Time - The Thing I Hate Most In The World

Time. That's the thing I hate most in the world. I hate how fast it loves to leave. Here I was , just a year ago complaining about the weirdness of  my promotion to grade 10 and now a complete time-span of 12 months has passed and am still not over this entire thing about how my life has become so dramatic. I know that people will have no interest in reading my blogs but yet am writing because I have no other place to write wholeheartedly. Yes, I do journal down my thoughts, day-dreams etc. And I will continue to do so. I also know the fact that after a week or two my blog will be lost among the sea of other magnificent and well-written blogs, yet I will write.

     This entire time-span of 12 months has taught me many things as well as took away so many things away from me. It might be weird to listen ( read ) but this year has taken away so many things that I have now almost forgotten about the emptiness that now prevails. Well, not material things tho. All I lost was some of my most precious memories of happiness, serendipity, and yeah, the truth. The Truth of being self first, the truth of my existence. Well, you'll say the truth of our existence is that we are human beings and as humans our purpose is to complete our goals and climb the highest hurdle of our life to become successful and die happily. But, what if I told you that I don't know my purpose, that I don't quite understand what my goal in life is ? 

     All of this time, I have been told to focus on my goal when I really never have been able to figure out what my goal is. At one moment , people will tell you that numbers don't make who you will be in future and the very next second you are told to score the highest just to maintain the family's so-called reputation. The race of scoring the highest has become so formidable, that I have tripped and fell down on my face only to lose myself in this entire process. 

     I didn't quite understand that this process began way before I even understood the word-competition. Though I was always told that am free to do whatever I want to do/become in life, I was still always compared with literally every successful student, every accomplished family member, every bookworm and talented cousin. Well, this might be a household story now, but with me it ended up differently. I lost myself.

     I don't think my people did it intentionally, yet they never understood what was happening behind the facade of  numbers. I don't blame anyone since I was the one who ended up failing to live up to the mark and started comparing myself with other beings. The thing is no one ever told me that am special, no one ever told me that am good the way I am and no one ever motivated me when I needed to be. Everything I ever understood or was told that am not giving my full potential. Yet here I was who never knew what was her potential. People thought that scolding me in public will better me but i tell you they did good in their part. Alas, I only got stubborn.

      I got stubborn to the point that I unintentionally started losing my everything and by everything I mean everything. I lost my optimistic view on life,  the innocence of friendships and the very interest in improving myself. All I can do now is blame myself. 

      The only thing I have understood is when all of this was happening, the Time went away as normally as possible for everyone except me for whom it now appears to have stopped since I know not of anything to live happily/normally/ without regrets onto.
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